No Time Left For You

Okay, so there's an ad in the JFP asking me to "address the department description on our website and the university mission statement." Is the department description on the university mission statement? No, that obviously makes no sense. But let's put that phrase's need of a relative clause to one side. Because what really doesn't make sense is asking me to address the department's description and the university mission statement in my application package.

Listen, search committees. I know you want to see us candidates making an effort to show you how well we'd fit in at your school. You want to see the thought we've put in to our applications for your department. After all, you don't want to hire just anyone. You want to hire someone who wants to be there. Fair enough.

And you know what? We will put that thought in. I swear to fucking god, we will put many hours of thought into figuring out how we'll fit into your department and your school. But we're not going to do it right now, okay? Because right now, all our thought's going into figuring out who we need to talk to get our hands on our old course evals, how to get the secretary to mail our letters today and not next week, and whether or not we can ignore the increasingly pissy e-mails about our unpaid tuition for another month, because this month we're dropping a few Benjamins at the post office.

Give me an APA interview. Then I'll address your department's description and your university's mission statement.