Approaching Happiness: The Importance of Social Goals

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The last time you went on a date or hung out with a new friend, what thoughts were going through your mind as you got ready? Were you thinking things like “I hope I have a great time tonight!” and “I hope we have a really good connection,” or were your thoughts more along the lines of “I hope I don’t make a fool out of myself” and “I hope we aren’t bored with each other”? 

These different types of thoughts represent your social goals—that is, what you hope to get out of your relationships. Thoughts such as hoping to have a great time focus on maximizing the positive outcomes in your relationships and are called approach social goals. In contrast, thoughts such as hoping not to make a fool of yourself focus on minimizing the negative outcomes in your relationships and are called avoidance social goals. We have social goals when we enter into new relationships, but we also have social goals for our current relationships. If you think about spending time with your close friends over the next few weeks, you could think about growing closer to your friends and having new, fun, experiences together or you could think about steering clear of fights and avoiding being rejected by your friends. Social goals also come into play in specific moments. When you and your partner discuss divvying up chores, you could be focused on how to guide the conversation so that both of you end up satisfied with the result, or you could be focused on figuring out a way to divvy them up so that neither of you is completely dissatisfied with the outcome.

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