Can the important people in your life help you transcend group differences?

Our significant others (even our X's) influence our new relationships (source)

When I first started graduate school I was enthralled by the idea that much of how we relate to other people in our social lives is driven by our past relationships with important/close others. This theory, which my graduate advisor Serena Chen called the relational self suggests that who we are and how we think about the self is fundamentally shaped by our relationships with others. These influential relationships (they must be influential, stable, long-term relationships, though not necessarily positive/well-adjusted ones) create working models-- like scripts in a play that actors follow-- for how to interact with other people. Thus, whenever you are in a context that reminds you of a significant other you should apply these working models.

This can happen pretty much anywhere. Let's say you meet someone who looks like your ex-girlfriend (big X from now on). Your interaction with this person will be based--at least in a small part-- on how you'd expect an interaction with your X to go. So for example, if you expect your X to freak out about you being five minutes late to pick her up at the airport, you'd expect a person who resembles the X to do the same. In addition, if you tend to feel down or blue around your X, again, you should feel a slight dip in your own mood when around this new person.

Read More->