Wallflower power

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A co-worker once told me that he was a "sticker." At parties, he stuck in one place and let people come to him (like a wallflower but with a more positive connotation). In other words, he was the opposite of a social butterfly, and he seemed totally fine with that. My immediate reaction was not entirely positive - his strategy seemed lazy (why did everyone else have to do the work?) and even rude. And yet, as I examined my own behavior, I realized that my natural inclination at big gatherings was often the same as his. The difference was that I felt it was important to be outgoing and so I made the extra effort. Although my shyness wasn't severe or debilitating, I saw it as something I needed to overcome - and most people feel this way. There are hundreds of self-help books focused on fighting shyness, and many consider shyness to be a form of social anxiety, a serious mental illness.

The downsides of shyness - even the mild forms - are widely known. Shy people tend to be lonelier and have fewer friends, and they are sometimes mistaken as cold and aloof. Avoiding social situations and failing to take risks can also limit employment opportunities: at work, shy people may be less likely to ask for a promotion or pursue a leadership role. In relationships, shyness can prevent people from approaching a romantic interest or disclosing their feelings. There is even some evidence that shyness can impair health. Shyness seems to be especially problematic when people are making the transition to college or to a new job, since the ability to reach out and establish new contacts is critical at these times. (For a more exhaustive review of the perils of shyness, see Philip Zimbardo's book or his Psychology Today article co-authored with Bernardo Carducci.)

Most of what you'll read about shyness is almost exclusively negative, and yet research suggests that at least 40% of Americans are chronically shy. A much higher number experience more temporary or situational shyness, making shyness "nearly universal", according to prominent psychologists. If shyness is so bad, why is it so common?  Recent research suggests that shyness may have benefits not only for individuals, but for groups and societies as well.

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